Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Sports Bars

As old as I am, if I had a nickel for every time I stood before a simply disgusting and filthy urinal, in a bar, or any public restroom, I’d be rich. I don’t get it. Sure, restrooms, at say, a rest area on I-5, as much use as they get, and as remote as some of them are, might get a little gamey, and that’s to be expected. But at a gas station, or a restaurant, sorry, there’s just no excuse for a pathetic potty. Clean the son of a bitch. Get a service to do it, or get a person on staff to keep it nice, and smelling nice, well stocked, and shut up. It reflects on your business to have a good clean restroom, or not. If the restroom stinks, I can’t help but wonder, what’s going on regarding cleanliness in the kitchen? “Uh, I think I’ll just have a beer please, skip the burger tonight. I just lost my appetite using the can.”

When football season was approaching this year, 2005, I began to think of places that Blaine and I might go to enjoy a game and a beer, say, on a Monday night, make a bet or two, and go watch the game with some other fans. We have a few Sport’s Bars near our home, but, the more I thought, the more I remembered how nasty they are, not just the restrooms, but other facilities too, the old, worn and ripped booths and chairs, the food, the unkempt help, most of it. Sure, when the beer is a’flowin’, and your team just scored, who gives a shit. But all of this got me thinking more, and before I knew it, I was moaning to Blaine about the lack of a really nice Sport’s Bar in our area.

Now, my son Blaine is a guy’s guy, and besides the fact that he appreciates a decent restroom, (and accessible, since he uses a wheelchair) , I think, at first, as I began my griping, he was having a bit of trouble relating to my wish for a “nice” Sport’s Bar. “You know”, I would say, “a Sports Bar with class, a gentleman’s Sport’s Bar. A Sport’s Bar where a guy in a suit could go after work, and maybe there would even be some women there, and not just those girls with bad teeth and red tube tops. A place where you could get a lovely steak dinner, done to perfection, and maybe even a lemon drop (my son’s cocktail of choice), well prepared”. But the more I ranted, the more he could see my point, and so we began a mission to find a decent Sport’s Bar in this burg.

I thought I might be livin’ in a small town, cuz, well, If I can’t think of a nice Sport’s Bar, um, maybe there isn’t one. So Blaine, who has a ton of sports nut buddies online, posed a question in a thread he created, asking for suggestions for the best Sport’s Bars in Portland. He got a lot of suggestions, and, as we expected, even some of the dumps I despise were highly regarded.

Last night, we ventured out to try a new place, “On Deck”, (‘cuz it has a huge deck, get it?) in Portland’s Pearl District, and I am just so damn happy. Now we’re talkin’. I won’t bore you with the details, but it is just the place I was lookin’ for. If you are in town, give it a try. You might see Blainey and I there, Marie too, cheerin’ on the Blazers. I’ll be the one wolfin’ down the red meat and vodka, wearin’ the cheesehead.

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Unknown said...

My husband is a plumber and if you can believe this, he says womens restrooms are worse than mens.

Unknown said...

Hey if your ever in Eugene on a Sunday, check out The Keg Tavern on West 11th. It's a typical tavern, but on Sunday's the football rocks with tons of huge TV's, and what we call the "executive" bathroom (hadicapped) is huge, private and CLEAN! If you go, say hi to Trent the bartender for me.

Anonymous said...

Ever want to know what a restaurant is all about. Check the can. If it is pukey you can bet the hygeine of the kitchen is not any better. Best bet. Pee and leave. If you have to sit forgettaboutit.

Anonymous said...

Traveling once a year from Vermont to Illinois to see my inlaws, I've had my share of crappy restrooms (heh).

I don't think some of these people understand that the more you clean them, the easier it is to keep clean.

I've been in restrooms that were obviously old, but very clean, (tiles are chipped, some desparate idiot puts a phone number on the stall, etc, etc) and I've been in restrooms that were new but really disgusting (toilet paper everywhere, unflushed toilets, and the grossest: overflowing "feminine hygene" bucket).

It's not that difficult just to empty a garbage can 3 times a day, than it is to empty it once a week. I'd be retired by now it *I* got a nickle for every dirty bathroom.

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