I count myself among the ranks of the easily amused, along with my pluperfect wife Marie, God Bless’er, who laughs at my most insane gestures, whether I am telling her an old story about some stupid shit I have done, or even just cutting up, as I am sometimes drawn to do.
This morning, in the kitchen, brewing up another pot of "The Tao of Tea" brand Gemaicha Green Tea, (we’re into tea these days) I laid my eyes on our metal hanging fresh fruit and vegetable basket, and Lo and Behold, I discovered, right there in the basket, as if God were standing right there and talking to me personally, a yam in the exact form of a dolfin, and suddenly, like a thunderbolt, the words Flipper Yam popped into my head. ("Flipper" was the title of a TV show about a dolfhin named "Flipper" which ran in the 1960s, and a new version was produced in the 1990s)
Not being a particularly religious person, of course at first I was skeptical, but I do claim a spiritual life, and only moments later I felt as if I had somehow been chosen by a higher power to receive a message of some sort, so I removed Flipper Yam immediately from the basket, and tenderly and respectfully laid it on a paper towel on the kitchen island.
The longer I stared at Flipper Yam, the more I realized that something wonderful had happened. I carefully picked up Flipper Yam with two hands, and took it into my wife Marie, to get her reaction. I found her in the garden, and then, as I held it up high and close to her I announced in my best boss jock voice, “Call the Vatican, we've got Flipper Yam!”
Marie, having all too often been the recipient of my furtive and oftimes unusual imagination, broke out into a smile, but calmly replied, “Yes Ric , it’s a wonderful and mystical and amazing thing. If it starts shedding tears or bleeding, then you’ve really got something there.” I asked Marie if she could possibly whip me up about a 2 inch thorny crown. She didn’t seem too interested in making it herself, but suggested that one of her greenhouse plants, named “Crown of Thorns” would be perfect. I walked to the greenhouse and found the plant, and fashioned a crown of thorns for Flipper Yam, pictured above.
I dunno, maybe I’ve got the wrong idea here, this isn't exactly a case of stigmata. And those people who believe that they have found an image of Jesus on hunks of sheetrock and toast, maybe those items would be more metaphorically precise, I mean more than Flipper Yam. Still, I swear to God, this here is one special yam.
Perhaps I am still not exactly sure what the message from on high is, but I can tell you one thing for sure: as I was going through this entire ridiculous scenario, I laughed harder than I have in months, even making a sort of high pitched whoooooooo sound as I went on and on, and came to tears of joy several times, which required tissue to quell. It felt great. Kind of like having your prayers answered.
Later this afternoon, I swaggered into Marie's home office where I found her lounging on her pink faux suede fainting couch, and looked her way with my all-knowing, duck lippy look. "Whut?", she offered. I replied with a confident smirk, "Well, let's just say that, since I am the one who found Flipper Yam and all, that uh, I should mention that, down the road, there just might be Sainthood in a certain someone's future." Marie looked past her book, and rubbed her forehead very hard, eyes squinted, as she sometimes does at moments like this, and spoke. "Honey, don't quit your day job."
FLIPPER YAM ON EBAY
(5-28-06...Flipper Yam spent an illuminating week on eBay, but alas, did not sell)
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