Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Unfortunate Moniker

Years ago, back in the days of the original “Truth or Consequences” TV show, starring a much younger Bob Barker, I would sometimes find myself, before the blessing of remote controls, watching the show. On one particular occasion, as I watched, the consequences for not answering the nutty question Bob had posed to several contestants, was that the contestants were made to go out into the world, and for the following week, dig up as many people as they could with the most unusual of names, and convince them to return to the show, to receive a prize. For some reason, I actually saw the next show, ( I didn’t plan it, I swear to God) which produced the results of the contestant’s research. The contestants had gone forth, and had taken to cruising phonebooks, for weird names, and cold calling.

The contestants provided some real winners, which I have never forgotten. One woman, who was pleased to return to the show for her assortment of blenders and Samsonite luggage, had been named Rosemary, at birth, and with the last name of Hose, had endured a lifetime of ridicule and abuse as the holder of the truly unfortunate moniker “Rose Hose.”

There was an older man named “Safety Furst”, and another older man, whose parents were havin’ some kinda fun, at naming time, considering their last name of National, and surely splittin’ a gut when they wrote “First” on the birth certificate. I dunno, maybe they were hoping for a star wide receiver, or a movie star, whose unusual moniker may have been more of a help than a hindrance. All I know is, besides buying prunes in a lunch line, having the name First National could be one of the most embarrassing things ever.

In about 1973, my spouse at the time was working for Safeway, and one evening, after arriving to pick her up, I entered the store. The produce guy at that store, in Renton, Washington, was a gentleman named Larry Azolla. Apparently, someone had just called the store and asked for Larry, because, as I entered the store, one of the produce assistants, who had just taken a call in the main store office, was on the public address system, announcing his name. It was at this moment that I heard, loudly, and clear as a bell, with everyone else in the store, this young man's attempt at comedy, as he announced, "Larry Ass-hole-uh, telephone for Larry Ass-hole-uh please, line one for Larry Ass-hole-uh", several times. Kind of a stretch, making Azolla into Ass-hole-uh, but I admit, it was funny, and as I recall, he got away with it.

I am curious about unfortunate monikers. Any other stories out there? My mother knew a woman named Anna Versarie. What are parents with the last name of Moss thinking when they name their son Pete? Do you have anyone in your life with an unusual or unfortunate moniker? I’d like to know.


Visit Ric Seaberg's Website
Photos
Music

13 comments:

JustSue said...

I went to school with boys named Michael Hunt *and he shortened it to Mick instead of Mike* and Nicholas Mann *he however insisted on Nick*

xianfu said...

nice blog here...Fruitcake sux!!! LOl..Happy New Year! "p

Wontar said...

While driving through a small town in upstate NY, there was a large sign proclaiming birthday wishes to Mr. Board. Bill Board. This led to a long discussion with my family about the rest of the members of the Board family. Bill's wife, Peg; their son Corky who has since converted and changed his first name to Allah... you get the idea.

Ric Seaberg said...

Excellent Wontar! Thanks for the chucks!

My friend Ken wrote yesterday to remind me of an old classmate of ours, Edward Frederick Gianetti, aka Eddie Freddie Gianetti. But, with my brain full of rhyme, I would have to deem that moniker fortunate.

Ric Seaberg said...

Also, I just remembered that once, when my daughter Stacey was a little one, she was being evaluated for a surgical procedure at Children's Hospital in Seattle. As we sat in the waiting room, a woman's voice kept coming on the hospital loudspeaker to announce, "Doctor Doctor, line 22 for Doctor Doctor", over and over. I looked on the hospital staff board and found that he was a dept. head.

Valerie said...

I went to school with a kid who's unfortunate name was...Justin Doody. Poor kid, what were his parents thinking?

Paros Shepherd said...

Enjoyed your blog, especially since it came from Portland.

One of my primary school teachers, Mr. Miner, claimed that he named his son, Cole.

That was in Aloha, Oregon.

Anonymous said...

I worked on a large software project in Australia. We brought on board a person with a nickname "Kenny Poo". No prizes for guessing how the project went.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like Brokeback Mountain.

Anonymous said...

nah, he was just a turd.

Anonymous said...

If his nickname was Kenny Poo he may have got that nickname from his ability to present attractively packaged dog poo as art. Why complain if he does that on your project as well ?

Anonymous said...

I have an audio recording of that Truth or Consequences show. The names included: North Western, Safety First, Purse Pickle, Rose Hose, Eye Lash, Eye Pucker, Rusty Pipes, Lovey Night, Philip DeBus, and Mary Christmas.

RIC SEABERG said...

Thanks Anonymous. r