Thursday, March 16, 2006


First off, let me begin by saying that, in my humble and completely objective opinion, the whole Sonny and Cher thing was kinda cute. I mean, the way they would rib each other, on their old TV show, The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour, Cher calling Sonny names, like Pizza Man, something, and then after the commercial, there she was, in some teeny tiny peacock feathered outfit, with headress, and the music would swell, and then, unfortunately, she would sing. And in my humble objective opinion, though she is a great gal, Cher cannot sing that well. As in, put her in front of American Idol truth teller Simon Cowell, for the purpose of actually judging her vocal talent....she’s toast. “Honestly Cher”, he might say, “If I’m being completely frank, you were off key, it was a total mess, the way your notes trail down like some sort of pa-thet-ic sliding drone, and I think you’ve just bought a one way ticket back to Duluth. I mean if I’m being toe-tah-lee honest.”

Other things I am having difficulty understanding the popularity of are:

1. Willie Nelson
2. Trying to smell your own breath
3. Johnny Cash
4. Sprouts (May I have something that tastes like dirt added to my sandwich please?)
5. That song “Never Been to Me
6. The TV show “Fear Factor”
7. Listerine
8. Radicchio
9. Double Salted Licorice

Okay so radicchio, which has become a favoured green, or, red, if you will, for salads, is completely bitter, awful stuff. It’s pretty, sure, but it does not taste good. End of topic, end of conversation. Alright so maybe some people like bitter. But I have this fantasy that at some point, a consortium of highfalutin chefs and farmers got together and said, “Ya’know, this here radicchio, it grows like a frickin’ weed, I bet we could get the masses of gourmet diners to eat this shit, if we pretend it’s like a delicacy, those idiots’ll eat anything if ya package it right!” So after we enjoy our persimmon infused vodka martini, we move right on to our “Radicchio Caesar Salade with Garlic Polenta Croutons”, and the waiter in his crisp white apron says, all snooty like, “and how is everything?”, and if it’s me, I am all polite and say “fine”, and then I go home and write how radicchio, truth be known, is a conspiracy.

But "double salted licorice" takes the cake, and if you have never tried any, you must. Apparently, they like it in Europe, and much of it is made there. What happened, I think, is that many years ago, the person who made the first batch had like six young kids, and when he made this stuff, he was standing near the ever ripening diaper pail, its fumes rising and entering his candy pot, and so that’s why double salted licorice tastes like ammonia. And then it got popular. Go get a bag, will ya’, and explain this to me. Most candy stores carry it.

Okay so your turn. Be honest, what strains your brain on the appeal continuum?

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